Lori would spend time conjuring ways of getting the attention of a specific Dom she followed from one site to another. He taught her about chat apps, introduced her to blogs and befriended her on a social networking site for kinksters. He knew she was a wannabe nube and told her she needed to trust him before he would even consider sleeping with her. Somehow she knew he had what she wanted. Maybe it was the gentlemanly aura coupled with the promise of rough sex. The ultimate of orgasm producing activities.
So she would sit in her solitary space and conjure ways of capturing his attention. She would imagine what it would be like to be a bonafide submissive. Did she want to be spanked? Maybe. She would imagine and write and post, wait a week, write some more. Did she want to be tied up? Possibly. She imagined what it would be like, what it would do for her, how she would feel about it. She processed the elements of being submissive and continued to ask herself, "Is this what am I? Do I want to submit? Will I submit?"
And with every attention-getting activity, she received a fair amount of recognition from others, but not the one she originally had set her sights on. But that's okay, she was accepting that maybe his purpose was to bring her to these places and to expose her to this new world but that she needed to find her own way now. And along this path, she had her learning lessons. There was the Dom that wanted to pee in her mouth and watch her suck and fuck other men in front of him. The one in Greece that called her sweet cy cy and wanted to Skype. The young one that wanted her to be his anal fuck slave. And there was one Lori called Alpha.
Lori had been on the kinkster site since the beginning of November. Alpha started saying hello at the beginning of December. Was it the transitioning from anal to oral question that prompted his interest? Or Lori's squirting story? Or something else? Lori had no idea. After a posting; be it a question or comment in the groups, a picture or text upload, or a love or comment to someone's journal entry, these pot-stirring activities yielded new people, almost exclusively dominant men, in Lori's message box and friend requests. Alpha at first just seemed like one of many.
The trajectory of these messages went something along the lines of an expression of interest, some kind of written back and forth that lasted a day or two, a transition to another text messaging system like Hangouts, text on a cell phone or Kik, some sexting, baby steps towards a statement of submission and then a request for Lori to do something she didn't want to do that generally involved her playing with her girl parts to sexually excite the Dom or getting on a video call. At this juncture, Lori would question her ability to submit and ended with her changing her classification in the kinkster site. Lori's been a Toy, Baby Girl, Bottom and a submissive. She always returns to submissive. Submissive feels right.
There were also two occasions where a Dom brought Lori to a place where she agreed to something or asked for something. One person wanted Lori to tell him all of her fuck holes were available for him to use. Another got Lori to ask for help in learning more about sex magic. Once the agreement was brokered, all communication stopped. They, apparently, had gotten what they wanted. What is a sub to do but lift her shoulders in wonderment and move on?
Alpha didn't follow this path. He wasn't overly aggressive. He tended to take his time. He was always pleasant. Just checking in and seeing how things were going. The more comfortable Lori became with Alpha, the more she opened up. While some may appreciate Lori's bosom as her greatest asset, her true charms lay in her openness and enthusiasm. Alpha brought those out in her easily.
After a couple of weeks, Alpha and Lori began having more intimate conversations. In the back of Lori's mind leading up to this point, she wondered why someone in another state would continue to engage her. She was lackluster in her responses because she assumed their chats were just that. Lightweight chats between two similarly aged adults living in different states. But Alpha persisted.
And he would use her name in their chats. He would write, "Hi lori" or "How are you lori". This began for a greater intimacy. Simple but effective. And once Lori started feeling intimate and wasn't worried about what a Dom in another state thought about her, she started talking on deeper and more personal levels. This led up to a week long discussion about D/s dynamics, how Doms care for their subs and the Alpha started sharing more information about himself.
And what was probably extremely apparent to any eavesdropper, Lori and the Alpha began a dance that revolved around her submitting and him dominating her. The Alpha had to spell things out for poor dimwitted Lori. He wanted an online far away D/s dynamic. Lori felt like she needed an up close and personal relationship with someone that she could see, touch and smell regularly.
And then there was a minor break. The Alpha was silent for a couple of days and Lori realized she missed their daily correspondences and when he returned she was so happy to hear from him. It was just the right time, of the right day, of the right month and Lori was comfortable enough to finally submit. Alpha did not bully her. He backed off when she needed space. He came forward when she was ready. And she thought the Alpha could handle her and contain her.
He asked her to play with her pussy and she did. He asked her to cum for him and she did. He asked her to hold her nipples and she did. He asked her to get on her knees and she did and he was patient and helped her get to where she needed to be. He asked Lori how she felt. And she said, "I'm feeling soft and cuddly and vulnerable like a baby kitten. I'm in a relaxed and happy space." And soon her hands became his hands, his words became soft whispers in her ear and she said, "I am your submissive Sir" and she was.
For three weeks, Lori played with herself on demand, took pictures of herself in various states of undress. She said, "I am your sub Sir," over and over again with these variations: "I am your slutty sub Sir. I am your slutty bitch sub Sir." She was required to acknowledge the transfer of possession of her pussy and her breasts to Sir. She was required to obey and not to question. When he asked her to wear small binder clips on her breasts for the commute home she complied. When he asked for a picture of her kneeling naked she provided. He would walk her through orgasm after orgasm.
Lori loved being claimed. She loved the attention. She loved imagining his lips near her ear, his fingers pinching her nipples, his cock between her legs. She appreciated him being there to shepherd her through a bad meetup. Lori liked that family always came first and his understanding of how things can change in a moment with teenagers around. Lori learned to love being called bitch because that was his in-the-moment sex talk. As in, "put a clothespin on your right nipple bitch," or "show me bitch." She loved how Sir normalized being a slut and slutty. Lori also loved how he helped her manage her local cocks. How just being there caused Lori to think more deeply about her decisions about who she was going to be with and why. She learned to discriminate better. She started asking herself "why would I" instead of "why not". This simple sentence construction changed everything.
And then there were the things Lori didn't like. Lori didn't like asking permission to post things or being told she couldn't share something. She didn't like being told she had to ask permission to swallow. She didn't like being told to shave. She didn't like being denied the opportunity to be touched. And one night she posted Sir's pictures of her breasts for a half hour online while she was flirting with someone. She knew he would not approve. She knew he would be disappointed. So she pulled the pictures and apologized online and let him know how she erred. And then she felt dead.
Lori did not like feeling dead, dead was the worst feeling. Dead was hiding and running and it was defeat. She wanted to live. She wanted to share. She wanted to feel connected. And she ultimately realized that she wanted to be a cherished toy. The one that is encouraged to acknowledge her fantasies and not shy away from them, no matter how dirty they may seem to society. She wanted to be recognized and praised for coming out of her shell and accepting who she is. She needed more "good girls", "kittens", more hands on experiences and fewer conversations about not following instructions or responding to commands to take pictures of herself.
Lori accepted her incompatibility with her Sir. Maybe Lori just sucked at being a sub. Maybe women in their 50's that have managed everything for themselves and their families for decades are just not proper sub material. And even though she will miss his voice in her head and she will wake up lonely and once again unclaimed, she knows that they needed to walk away. And the saddest text she ever received was the simple, "Goodbye Lori" he sent her.