He needn't have. The two girls trooped past us in their flip-flops, still giggling and shoving each other playfully, to the counter near us. By now, Adam and Virgil were focused on those pert butts, though Virgil pretended he wasn't looking. He's the oldest of our group, and the most religious. Hell, he's the ONLY religious person among us! That didn't stop him from enjoying the charms of the young girls that crossed our path, however. We all saw him looking.
"Dayumm!" Rob said loudly. Rob is the redneck of the group that we call The Breakfast Club. Okay. It's lame, I know, but we're all old; or retired, at least. Ken and I are the same age, at 71. Adam is 4 years younger and Rob is 2 years older than the two of us. Virgil is 12 years older than the oldest of us; he's our anchor. Everything gets bounced off Virgil, even the dirty jokes. He indulges us, and seems to get a kick out of our bragging and off-color remarks. Then he goes to church twice a week and prays for us, I'm sure.
"I knew this one would have something to say about that," Ken said, indicating Rob.
"Why, hell yeah," Rob enthused, loudly. "Hell, I'd eat these eggs off of them big ol' ..."
"Hey, easy," Virgil told him softly, before he could embarrass us further. The girls had already noticed the table of geriatric admirers. They giggled again, making faces and smiling encouragingly at us. They could tell we were harmless. The smaller one batted her eyes at Rob, then slapped her friend's shoulder as she turned to give her order to the waitress, who seemed unimpressed with either of them.
"You know," Adam said, "if I got hold of something like that..." He hesitated theatrically, then continued. "...I'd...I'd... Well, I don't know what I'd do. I'd probably have a damn heart attack!"
We all laughed, thinking that might indeed be true. In spite of all our horny comments, I don't think any of us had been near a girl that age, other than grandkids, in a long time. We might have acted like a bunch of horndogs, but we were pretty much all talk and no walk.
Virgil took the opportunity to chide us. "You guys better watch out, or your mouths are gonna over-ride your butts. Especially if your wives find out." He leaned back, but I saw his eyes go to the girls again, seated behind Ken and me. I glanced over my shoulder, and saw two pairs of perfect butt-cheeks perched on the red padded stools. It was a sight to make even an old heart soar. Such perfect tanned flesh!
Rob took the ensuing quiet moments to brag on his powers of romanticism. He regarded himself as the resident Lothario in our group. He attended weekly dances at the Elks Club every Friday night with his wife, and often bragged to us on Monday mornings about how he danced with "every hot woman in the place." His wife, he said, sat back and let him. We all knew she was probably grateful for the opportunity to talk to someone else for a change!
I should describe our little group. Rob, Ken and Adam are all very tall guys - 6'-4" or 6'-5", on average. They tower over Virgil and me. I'm 5'-9" and Virgil is so bent over it's hard to say how tall he really is, or used to be. Adam is a retired ex-CIA agent, he says. Ken was a business owner in Newark, and Rob has done odd jobs most of his life. He claims to be a master of all of them. I'm a retired construction worker, Virgil quit being a salesman long ago. We meet every weekday morning for breakfast at this same diner. The waitresses know our preferences in food, and only make an occasional appearance to get us coffee, and to endure Adam's jokes. He's a naturally funny guy, and has a non-threatening manner they all seem to enjoy.
Virgil spoke again. "I would imagine," he declared, "if any one of you even had the opportunity, those girls would still be safe as kittens."
We all considered that. Then Adam spoke. "Hey, we should at least try," he said. "I'd be willing to get slapped once or twice. It might be worth it."
An sudden flash of brilliance came to me.
"Tell you what," I said slowly, thinking as I spoke. "Let's set up a little competition." I looked at Rob, specifically. "If any of us actually scores in the next few weeks, he wins." I glanced back at the two girls. "Not with them, though. On our own, and nobody cheating. First one to bring in a pair of panties wins."
Though the diner was a hive of activity, you could have heard a pin drop at our table. Rob, of course, was the one to break it.
"Hell, anybody can bring in a pair of his wife's old undies. I might just do that," he cackled.
No one laughed with him. Each of us was considering the dare, except for Virgil, of course. He just waited, eager as always to live vicariously, but not willing to give up his core religious values for something as sketchy as all this.
Adam snorted at Rob. "First of all, if you're gonna cheat, you don't tell us! And second, please don't bring in YOUR wife's dirty undies! Hell, they'd clear the place out!
About that time our waitress for the day, Wanda, came over to fill our coffee mugs. Laughter and conversation stopped abruptly, so she knew we were talking about 'guy stuff.'
"Y'all don't get yourselves all worked up," she drawled, "I seen 'em, and I don't need no premature eradications on my chairs!" She laughed hilariously at her own joke, along with Rob. He laughs at pretty much anything.
When she left Ken spoke up. "Well, I'd be willing to tr
And so the gauntlet had been picked up.
* * * * *
It was exactly about three weeks later. I was ready. I'd been ready for a couple of days, in fact, but biding my time. The diner was full, but nobody was paying much attention to us. Even Wanda had left the coffee pot on the table, unwilling to put any more miles on her tired feet than she had to. Ken finally brought it up.
"Well, I guess you guys forgot about that contest we talked about," he ventured. He was the only single man among us, so I immediately suspected he'd scored, though I couldn't imagine with whom.
"So, did you manage to make love to something other than your hand?" I asked. The table erupted in taunting laughter.
He played along, grinning. "Hey, don't mock Rosie Palmer and her five sisters," he countered, then made a show of slowly pulling a pair of lacey black panties out of his pants pocket. "But she doesn't wear anything like this."
There was a round of "whoa's" and even a high-five from Adam. Ken held them up for all to see, including the couple at the next table, who frowned and shook their heads in unison.
"Hey, let me smell those," Rob said, reaching out. Virgil put his hand on Rob's arm as we all broke up laughing.
"I knew you had issues," he told him, "but please spare us the details."
"I think he musta spent some time in prison," Adam added, to more laughter. Rob glared at him.
"I just wanna make sure ol' Kenny here didn't go out and buy them. Anybody can do that!" He paused, then, and tilted his head back to sniff the air. "Hmmmm. They smell like pancakes," he announced.
There was another round of laughter. I waited, then pulled a tangle of little satiny things out of my pocket. This was my moment of triumph - or rather, evidence of a number of moments of triumph! Conversation stopped as I separated them into colorful little bundles on the table edge. Suddenly, Wanda was there.
"Get them things offa' my table," she said sharply. I dropped them into my lap. She glared at all of us, shook her finger in our general direction, and then stumped off.
Adam: "Okay, hotshot. Where'd you buy them?" Laughter.
Rob: "He probably wears those when he's sitting around at home!" Laughter.
Ken: (shaking his head) "Are those Katie's? She's gonna be pissed that you raided her dresser drawer." More laughter.
Virgil: "Looks like you gotta lot of 'splainin to do, sailor."
I held out the leopard-print thong, a tiny little size-4 bit of nothing that had barely covered the thing I was most interested in as I slipped them off the girl.
"Okay, you've all seen Katie. Does this look like it would fit her?" No answer. Total silence. The sound of gears turning inside heads.
"Okay, let's hear your story, then," Adam said.
"You mean...stories," I taunted, dropping the leopard print and picking up the neon green pair. "You sure you guys have the time?" I had collected 5 pairs of the dainty things; I hinted that each one had a story. There was no comment. "Okay, then. Get ready."
You could actually hear the silence at our table, so I began. "You know where to meet college chicks?" When no one offered anything, I answered for them. "Starbucks. It's full of all manner of hot college girls, sipping their little pumpkin-spice macchiatos and their cold-brewed caramel iced masala chais, and staring at their social media pages on their phones."
"Okay, but that doesn't explain how an old dinosaur like you got into their pants," Rob countered.
"Listen and learn," I told him. "All it takes is a compliment or two. Oh, and letting them know that you're packing 10 inches."
At that point, coffee spewed across the table from both sides. I waited for the laughter to subside, and continued.
"You laugh. Okay, take Courtney for example. Cute, but maybe not a bombshell. She's got a little depressed ego thing going, so she was a perfect candidate. She was with another girl when I first spoke to them, but that girl bailed after a couple of minutes. I persuaded her to stick around. I kept asking her questions: who did her nails, for instance. She said she didn't have a manicurist.
"'Huh, really?' I asked her. I told her I was surprised. Then I complimented her on her top, and how the color brought out her eyes."
"Oh, brother," Adam interjected.
"Hey. You guys want to hear this or not? Anyway, I got her engaged, and she was only too happy to talk about her school, her grades, and her lack of a social life. I went, 'you've got to be kidding! Do those guys know what they're missing?' which made her smile, and then get a little introspective. Then I mentioned that I always had problems in school because girls found out...and I left it at that.
"That set the hook. 'Found out about what?' she wanted to know. I told her, haltingly, that I was gifted with the same size penis as my dad, and that sometimes girls had a problem with that."
"So you didn't say '10 inches'," Ken said, nodding. "No false advertising, right?"
"Well," I corrected, "not to her, no. I just gave her a suggestion of size. A couple of the others, yeah. I had to quote numbers; but this one, I just let her imagination run wild. Courtney hadn't been with many guys, she told me, but she'd heard stories from some of the other girls about guys who were hung.
"It was all just a matter of time after that," I told them. "We went to her place, I got her naked and ate her pussy for a while, and by then she wasn't able to refuse me. She didn't even notice her panties going into my pocket!" I laughed and held up the green panties again, indicating the 'soiled' area at the crotch.
"She must wear those a lot, or else she's got a problem," Ken observed.
"I'm sure YOU didn't make her wet," came the jeers. I let them go on as I put Courtney's panties back in my pocket and picked up two pairs, the leopard-print ones and the black thong.
"Okay, keep laughing. You want to hear about Jennifer and Kaylee?" I teased.
When the ruckus died down again, I told them how I'd insinuated myself into a conversation between the two girls by asking them if their coffees tasted 'different'? They both obediently tasted theirs, and Kaylee, the skinny blonde, said 'Yeah. It does taste a little bitter, now that you mention it'. Jennifer, the pretty brunette, disagreed, but we all ended up taking our cups back up to the counter to complain. "The power of suggestion," I told the guys, smirking.
"Anyway, that got the conversation started. We talked for a good 2 hours, getting friendlier and friendlier. Then I offered to take them both to lunch. They agreed, but Jennifer said she'd drive. So we hopped in her car and went to the Chick-fil-A down the street. Talked some more, and as it always does, the conversation got around to sex. Sometimes you just have to wait," I told the guys.
"Jennifer asked me how old I was. I lied and told her I was in my late 50's, and that my wife had passed away. I added that 'at least she died happy' which had them both asking why that was? I told them we had a lot of years of really great sex, and that I was happy that I had found a woman who could 'take me'. THAT got a whole bunch of questions going! When it came down to numbers, I just said, 'around 10, when I'm really aroused'. They looked at each other with their mouths open, and I could see the unspoken agreement between them. Kaylee said, 'can we see it?' I told her not in the restaurant; what kind of guy did she think I was? They started giggling.
"Laughter. You know, that's another key thing. You get 'em laughing and you're in before you know it."
No one was speaking, so I went on. "I got them talking about their boob sizes, and I let them simmer over the rest. When we walked out, they both took my arms, one on each side, as we went to Jennifer's car. I knew then that I could make this happen. I got in the back again, and Kaylee was hanging over the front seat, talking to me and checking me out when she didn't think I was looking. Of course, in jeans, who knows what's in there? Then Jen suggested we could maybe go to their apartment."
"The moment of truth," Virgil said, obviously hanging on every word. They all were. This was even better than talking politics!
"Well, yeah," I conceded. "And it was still light, so I had to play coy for a while. We started out sitting on their sofa. Kaylee brought me a glass of water to drink, and I took her hand after she set it down and kissed it. Then I started kissing up her arm. Jennifer was sitting next to me and was not to be ignored, so she leaned in and put her hand on my thigh. I turned to her then and we kissed. I mean, we did a full-on kiss that would make a Frenchman blush!
"Kaylee wedged herself against me on my other side, and I alternated kissing the two of them. Jennifer had her hand on my zipper, eager to get at that 'advertised' 10 inches, so I rolled over onto Kaylee and slid my hand up under her top to grab her boob. She figured she had won because I was on top of her, so at that point she was mine, regardless. I got her top and bra off, I started sucking on her nipples, and then worked my way down to her shorts. That's when I got to these."
I held the leopard-print bikinis up for emphasis.
"By the time I did oral on her for a couple of minutes - and that was some sweet pussy, I gotta tell you - she was cumming hard. Jennifer had kinda held back, watching the action. As Kaylee climaxed, though, I turned to her. I was on my knees on the floor and I told her to take her little skirt off, but she just hooked her left leg over Kaylee's right leg and pulled her skirt up for me. Roommates - they like to do everything together, I guess! She had these little things on."
I handed the tiny wedge of black nylon and string to Rob, who did indeed hold them up to his nose. He took a sniff, wrinkled his nose, and told the others, "Go on! You know you all want to!" The other two checked them out and there was much discussion as to the aroma. Virgil declined to touch them. Again, I waited. When all eyes turned back to me, I went on.
"I ate her, then I went back to Kaylee. I kept alternating, using my fingers when I didn't have my mouth on them. Those were two moaning bitches, I'll tell ya! When I finally stood up to get my jeans down Jennifer took one look at me and went, 'you lying bastard!' I mounted Kaylee at that point, though, and she didn't seem to have any complaints."
"So what happened with the other girl?" Virgil asked.
I had to laugh. "She came around. She was so turned on by then she just went, 'oh what the hell' and gave it up, after I gave Kaylee a good dose of dick.' She turned out to be the wild one - scratching, screeching, cumming like a freight train. I got her number by the way," I added.
By now I wasn't sure if they even believed me, but they wanted to hear all of it. Wanda brought another pot of coffee and decided we were there for the morning. She told us, "You'd better leave a good tip," and headed off to annoy the other customers.
I said to Ken. "Sorry to monopolize the conversation. Let's hear your story, bud."
He kind of shrugged and told us he'd met a woman at Applebee's, and they shared a breakfast table. She was middle-aged and divorced. Then they had gone out for dinner, later. She had favored him with 'benefits' after the date, he said, but he didn't offer any specifics. I think he didn't want to go into detail with Virgil sitting there. Virgil was loving this, though; I could see it on his face. He deferred to me, so I picked up the thread.
"Okay, this other girl - I don't remember her name, but they always seem to run in twos - she had been at Starbucks the same time as me and Kaylee and Jennifer, but I didn't notice her then. I guess she knew Kaylee, though, because Kaylee told her about the three of us. The next day when I went back to Starbucks, she was there again with another girl, but she left her at the table and came over to talk to me. She was a little cutie! She said to me, 'I heard you hooked up with Kaylee yesterday' and I nodded. She said Kaylee told her I had a 10 inch dick, and she just had to get with me!" I laughed, remembering.
"Either Kaylee isn't too familiar with a ruler, or else she was trying to get her friend punked, too. Anyway, this girl - Sandy or Cindy, whatever - wanted to get in on the action. She practically told me to come to her dorm and fuck her!" I looked at the four guys at the table. "That's called networking, by the way," I said smugly.
There was some more laughter, and Virgil said, "I'd call it bullshitting."
"Well, whatever," I agreed. "It got me these..." I held up the little white bikinis with SWEET printed across the front and HEART printed across the back. "...and a whole lot more besides. I actually got seconds with this girl, though it took me a while to, uhm...get ready that second time. She helped me along with her sweet little mouth, though, and that was a nice little treat."
"So this girl was as clueless as the rest?" Adam asked. He shook his head and said to all of us, "These girls are our future, right?"
I corrected him. "No, no. She was very aware of my...insufficiency in that regard, once we got going. She's like all the rest of 'em, though. These girls just want dick. Once they figure out they're not getting the whole 10 inches, they all seem to pretty much decide that a bird in the hand is better than a vibrator, you know? Or else their hormones just get the better of them at that point."