She was fresh out of Brown University. My school would hire teachers on a temporary basis if they were talented but had no teaching certification, and she was only 22. I first saw her in an itty bitty tennis skirt and tank top, at 5'2 and 100 lbs she could not be distinguished from a teen student in a group. She was absolutely gorgeous, with short brown hair and big brown eyes, tiny tits and freckles. Athletically thin and tanned and for some reason much sexier than the other girls at the school. I heard her name from some conversation. New English teacher. Jamie Brown.
I walked past the dean's office later and a crazy thought passed through my mind. I walked in and told the secretary Fran, I want to change my advisor. She thought about it for one second, then stood up and went to get the dean in his office. He came out in a few seconds.
"Hey Ted, you're not happy with Doc Smith, is that right?"
"He's great, I just don't really get along with him that well, unless I want to talk about math. I just need real advice about college this year."
"Well you can change advisors, I don't know who we've got.."
I remained silent like I had all day. I willed it.
The dean looked at Fran, "You know, we have those three new teachers who only have freshmen assigned to them."
"I don't have a problem with a new teacher" I volunteered.
"We've got Miss Brown, Miss Ellis and Mr. uhh.."
"Any of them, just give me Miss Brown" I said quickly yet casually. Give me Miss Brown, I repeated silently to myself.
"Okay, sure, we'll put you in a group of all freshmen with Jamie Brown. You can introduce yourself, I'll tell her at tomorrow's assembly."
I was happy. Jamie Brown was cute as fuck, and a teacher, and I was going to be her new best friend.
We met officially the next day. I found her in her seat at Assembly and introduced myself. Her eyes lit up as I told her I was her new student. We had only a few seconds before I had to take my seat, but I managed to get a couple great smiles out of her when I passed her on campus. I was a graduating senior with a cool reputation and lots of friends, Jamie knew no one.
A week later, we had the first Advisor Dinner night of the year. Jamie lived in the faculty apartment at the end of one of the girls' dorms. We ate pizza and introduced ourselves around her living room. I remained mostly silent watching Jamie and her beautiful tiny body as she uneasily played mom to the new freshmen expressing their stunned remarks from the first full week since their parents dumped them 200 miles from home. On the way out, Jamie gave hugs to the five freshmen girls and boys. She then looked at me funny, like maybe it was different hugging a 5'11 guy who was fifty pounds heavier than her. But then she gave me the hug anyway, and it was good and long and just awkward enough to prove there was something there. I was in heaven.
We spent the school year flirting, having occasion to see each other almost every day just by chance in a school so small. I never had any troubles, but Jamie had lots of occasion to congratulate me, and she did so with obvious admiration with a hand on my arm or even my thigh once. I refused to be "advised" or to let her have any kind of feeling of responsibility for me, instead acting as if I were older, wiser than the other students. More than once I dropped hints that I would like to take her off campus to show her something cool. Maybe go to dinner. No, just us. It didn't work. But day after day, I kept up the assault, always with a long look or a smile or a hand on the middle of her back, no small feat for a teen boy.
We had several more advisor dinners that year and at the last one I stayed until everyone else had left, insisting that I help clean up. Jamie didn't object.
I just couldn't execute my plan to get up behind her in the kitchen and kiss her neck, or block her in the doorway. So I gave up and just stood there, talking. She said she was so tired but didn't ask me to leave, instead, she sat down on the couch and motioned for me to sit down. My mind was melting as I imagined the forthcoming make out session. I asked her if she was really dating the chemistry teacher. She blushed but denied it vehemently, as if she really really did not want me to know. I said I won't be mad if it's true.
"Well of course not... why would you be ... mad?"
And I just looked deeper into her eyes. She did not ask me to answer her question again. I wanted to tell her how badly I wanted her, not just her sweet body in that moment but everything about her, forever. I did nothing of the sort. I left.
At the end of the year, I was having some problems with my girlfriend, normal stuff, but I used that excuse to knock on Jamie's apartment door one night to talk. I pretended to be heartbroken and... could we go for a walk? Jamie said yes and we strolled around in the inky darkness, bumping shoulders repeatedly as if communicating. We found a nice brick wall to sit on while I told her how my girlfriend just didn't seem interested to me, like she only wanted to have a boyfriend to have one, she doesn't care about me.
Jamie did her best, she spoke like she cared. I leaned in. According to plan, I moved my shoulder to touch hers. She didn't move away. She gave me a big compliment, and I stared right at her.
"Damn, I wish you were my girlfriend, Jamie." I said it like I didn't mean to blurt it out; in fact it had been recited endlessly in practice.
"Well clearly that's impossible..." she laughed nervously. "Ted, you're about to go to college, and your girlfriend's not going there. You're going to meet so many girls at college, and they're going to think you're very handsome." She wanted to give me the soft let down; she was not wired to do anything more. I suddenly lost confidence and didn't want to say a word to fuck up my relationship with Miss Brown. I said thanks and we parted: one more failed mission.
Right after the graduation ceremony, Jamie was unoccupied, not knowing many of the seniors or their parents. She looked at me longingly as if she had something to say. When she finally came near me, I was standing next to my mom. They had met before. She said, "Ted has been an honor to get to know this year, you must be so proud of him. I learned so much from him this year, I don't know what I would have done without him". She looked up at me. I was proud of her too. I wonder if it showed.
I turned aside to Jamie.
"I guess this is it."
She looked shocked and hurt, like hearing it was somehow different than watching it happen. I immediately walked it back. "No, I guess I still have to get the rest of my stuff, I'll be back with a car this afternoon. Will you be here?"
"Yes I'll be here. Or at the tennis courts. But Ted, come find me, ok?"
"Ok I will"
Later that afternoon I finished saying goodbyes and packing up my sports stuff. I walked up to Jamie's apartment. Everything was eerily silent in the warm afternoon light, most students were long gone. I knocked, it immediately sounded too loud.
The door opened and Jamie stood there in her Brown sweatshirt and sweat pants. I stepped in and closed the door, and we embraced. After half a minute I began to rub my hands imperceptibly up and down her back. Another half minute and she began to do the same to me. We shifted our weight to the other foot and resumed hugging, and at that moment we both knew that our love was a real thing. When we finally broke, I sat on her couch and she went to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine.
"Jamie, you know I'm not a student here anymore.."
"Oh yeah, that's right..." She said and reached up for a second wine glass. She brought them out and handed me one. "Just one." I didn't tell her that I wasn't talking about drinking wine.
We talked a little bit about the summer, jobs, college plans. The wine started to hit. After a while a silence fell as we looked at each other.
"Ted, there's something I want to tell you. I really didn't feel like you were a student here. I felt almost like you were my teacher. I just want to say I think you are an amazing guy with an amazing future, and.."
"Jamie, I love you too" I said, moving closer.
"That's not what I said"
"Whatever", I said, and I kissed her. Instantly she was no longer Miss Brown the teacher, but a sweet smelling girl with soft lips who wanted to be kissed. We went at it for two minutes until I kicked a wine glass over. It spilled but did not break. Jamie cleaned up and I went to the bathroom. I remember looking in the mirror, thinking "dude this is everything you have ever wanted you've got to fuck this girl's brains out".
I came out of the bathroom and found her in the kitchen. "I guess you'd better go now." She said it sadly, like it was not her choice.
"I'd rather stay..."
Jamie stared at me, not expecting to hear that.
"Ted, you can't, the faculty is all here tonight.."
"Is that the only reason?"
"When do you leave for Ohio" I asked.
"Do you want to see me tonight?"
"No, Ted. I'm sorry, I can't. I just ..can't."
And that was pretty much it. If cell phones had been invented, I think I would have gotten a call on the way home and turned around and fucked Jamie Brown, but that's not what happened. She married the chemistry teacher. I hope she still thinks of me.
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