What are you gonna do? I'm still trying to wrap my head around why I get hard when discussing subbing and my wife is doing her level best to convince me to try it.
Warren and Beth were at our home the following Saturday evening. He and I sat out on the deck having a drink while the girls were inside doing God only knows.
"Wish you hadn't told Beth what we talked about last week man."
"I didn't know she'd tell Cin John. I should have told her to keep it to herself."
"Keep what to herself? That I got hard talking about subbing?"
Warren sipped his drink and didn't answer me.
"I was reading up on the subject this week. Seems all Doms like to have their subs hairless from their head down. What the hell is that about anyway?"
Warren cleared his throat. "It about power John. It's about submitting to someone. That someone will require proof of your acceptance of his dominance."
"Wait a sec man. My acceptance?"
"Just a figure of speech. But let's say that you agree to sub for Tom. Now Tom is going to expect things from you in order to prove to him that he's not wasting his time. He's gonna want to see a commitment from you. Shaving your body is one way to show him you seriously want his dominance."
"And sucking his cock?"
"Man you are too hung up on that. A dick is skin John. Skin."
"Skin that leaks before cumming."
Warren chuckled. "Yes. Well, what can I say? You're right. But still, a sub sucking dicks isn't that big a deal. For some, it's what they want and need. Submissive guys suck dicks, submissive women eat pussy. Both are usually shorn of hair and appear before their Dom or Domme nude. If you read up on the subject, what I'm telling you should come as no surprise."
"I read it but wasn't sure if it was true."
"I liked to have my married couples nude except for the husband who I had wear panties."
I gulped. "Panties?"
"Oh yes, panties. First, when they put them on they realize they are not to be considered men while in my company. Second, it keeps them humble. Finally John, when a man puts on panties he usually cannot stop himself from getting the hardest he's ever been once he realizes his true nature."
"His true nature? What would that be?"
"I see you're hard again John. His true nature? His true nature is to submit to a man he feels is superior to himself. His true nature that he knows and understands his place is beneath his Dom, his Top. The sub gives up all pretense of being a real man and accepts the role nature prepared him for."
Continuing on Warren talked about scenes. "The sub isn't subbing all the time John. I mean when the three of you decide to do a scene, get together, and you prepare as he has directed you, you are his sub at that time. The next hour, the next day, whenever, it's over. Once that power exchange has been played out for an evening, a day, however long you all decide, once that's over you're no longer his sub. But during the play in the event, episode, whatever you want to call it, the male sub is not considered a man."
"Well Tom said that we'd be at his beck and call whenever he desired our services."
"That could get interesting John. He lives right across the street from you. You might be a busy sub."
"I get that but I don't understand. How can someone decide that he's not a real man? It just can't happen like that, can it?"
"Okay John, you're being rational where the existential fact over rides rational thinking. There are people who need to submit. Deep within them they have a nagging feeling that something has been missing from their lives. Once they find themselves committed to someone, pledging to serve and service that someone, they find their peace. They are content at last."
"Content to be considered less than a man? I have a hard time with that Warren."
"They thrive on it John. Subs lust for the ignominy. They find arousal in humiliation. It's not a mental illness. It's a desire that in some go unfulfilled their entire lives."
"They don't feel shame in all of it?"
"They do and that's what they're after. Being shamed, humiliated and groveling in that shame is what subs exist for. Some may say they're proud to serve their Dominant but what they really mean is that the shame and humiliation he puts them through satisfies their need as they go about preforming their given tasks. Their reward is the intense shame they feel and the orgasm the Top may give permission for he or she to have."
I considered what I was hearing. My gut feeling annoyed me. Warren's explanations and my reaction to them scared me. But I couldn't deny the erection I'd been sporting for the last several minutes.
"Look. I have an idea," Warren said getting serious. "Beth will be at her mother's tomorrow. Come over. We'll be alone and I'd like to try an experiment with you if you're willing."
"What kind of experiment do you have in mind?"
"If I tell you the details, you'd chicken out. Beth will be gone until around 5. Her mom is an hour away and Beth will call to let me know when she's leaving there. We'll have plenty of time to sort out what it is that's bothering you. I'll give you the experience of being my sub for a few hours."
"Um, okay." And again my dick lurched in my trousers.
"Be there at 10 AM sharp. The door will be open. Come inside without knocking. There will be a note on the kitchen table with instructions for you to follow. Follow them explicitly to the letter John. Remember, this is an experiment to help you with those feelings I suspect you're struggling with. Okay? You have any questions?"
"I'm not sure Warren. I'm a little scared."
"I'm sure you are. But you know me. I'm your friend and I won't hurt you or cause you harm. I think what you're afraid of is discovering the truth that lies within you. The truth about who you really are and what you need."
"Trust me John. You can back out at any time."
"What are you boys talking about,?" Beth and Cindy joined us on the deck.
"Just guy stuff," I volunteered.
"I asked John if he'd come over tomorrow morning and help me with something. If all goes well, he'll be back here for dinner."
"And if all doesn't go well,?" my wife chided.
"Then he'll be home early."
The rest of the evening went well. No sex that night and at 11:00 Beth said she had a long day ahead and they left.
"10 sharp," Warren said at the door. We shook hands and I told him I'd see him in the AM.
Maybe I should have discussed what Warren and I talked about with Cindy though I don't think that would have changed the way things worked out. Maybe I shouldn't have gone over to Warren's that Sunday morning but then I would not have had the awakening.
Being punctual by nature, I got to Warren's at 9:55. I waited. I played his game of being there at 10 sharp. Not early. Certainly no later. 10 on the dot.
The door was open as he said it would be and I went directly to their kitchen. A folded sheet of paper was on the counter.
I looked at it for several seconds wondering if I should open it or chicken out and leave. My stomach was in knots.
I decided on the former and opened it. It started:
"John. You may find this experiment/exercise difficult to carry out. I urge you to keep an open mind. Should you be brave enough to follow the instructions set forth in this note, you might well discover you've been missing something in your life. Once again, trust me and follow the instructions below:
Keep silent. Do not speak until and unless I've given you permission.
Go to my bedroom and disrobe completely.
In there you'll find an item of clothing. Put it on.
Once you have completed numbers 2 and 3, join me in the den
Without saying a word, kneel in front of me keep your head down and eyes averted. Do not look at me until I tell you otherwise.
"Damn this," I thought reading the note again and again. I tell you it took courage for me to follow those strange instructions but I sucked it up and went to their bedroom.
Without thinking too much I took off my clothes. "Hell. "Warren has seen me naked many times."
Then I noticed the one piece of clothing on the bed. It was a pair of Beth's panties. White, full back and front, some might call them granny panties. My mind hesitated but my cock had a mind of its own.
I admit that my hands shook as I stepped into the garment and pulled it up over my erection. The nylon was semi-transparent and in the mirror I could plainly see the outline of my raging erection.
Feeling every bit as foolish as I must have looked, I took a deep breath and went to join Warren in his den.
He was still in his bath robe apparently reading the Sunday paper and enjoying his morning coffee.
I knelt, my 44 year old knees creaking their protest. My head down, I felt ridiculous waiting for my buddy to speak. He had not yet even acknowledged my presence much less that I had followed his instructions to the letter.
Time passes slowly when you're on your knees in front of the man whose wife's panties you're wearing. I mean if you really are a man when you are on your knees. I was pondering all this and was becoming impatient and frustrated and just a little pissed. Warren sensed my misgivings and finally acknowledged me. "Good boy johnnie. You follow directions well."
Then he went back to his paper. Back to his fucking paper leaving me there basking in his praise and feeling like an idiot. My cock was hard and as I watched in horror it was leaking a wet spot on my panty.
Another 5 minutes passed before Warren put his paper down. "Get me another cup of coffee boi. Cream, no sugar."
As I walked away Warren chuckled, "Nice ass johnnie. Panties suit you."
I wanted to shout "fuck you" at my friend but remembered to keep quiet. Although I was quietly seething, my dick was throbbing.
I poured his coffee, added the creamer, and took it back to him. "Place it there, johnnie," he said pointing to the side table, "And resume your previous position."
"You may look up at me boi. Tell me johnnie, how do you like being a sub?"
"I don't. Not at all."
"Your dick tells another story. One different from your words." And then he poked my nylon covered dick with his bare foot.
"Remember son, this is an experiment. As in all honest experiments, the results are what they are. We won't skew our findings to come to a pre-meditated outcome, will we?"
"No. I guess not."
"Good. Now comes the hard part. Well maybe not so hard for you. But your constant questioning and talking about sucking a dick makes me think you secretly want to try it at least once."
Warren opened his robe and I saw he was naked under it. His cock, which I had seen many times, was soft. He scooted forwarded in his chair bringing his manhood close to my face. His feet were now planted firmly in either side of me. His knees were by my ears.
"Suck it johnnie. Suck your Dom. Show me how badly you want to submit. Go on now, you know you want this."
"Did I really,?" I wondered. I found myself licking my lips and stopped. My own cock still hard was throbbing.
The head of his cock hung low under my chin. Slowly I dipped my face down nearing the cock that had been in my wife several times. I'd seen her suck it. She never complained about it. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad.
"Your wife has sucked this cock many times johnnie, Warren said seemingly reading my mind. "Many times. You've seen it yourself. If she can do it, so can you."
The hand gently pushing my head forward made up my mind. I opened my mouth and sucked his cock in. Raising my face back up, I continued bobbing my head on his still soft tool making sure my teeth did not get in the way.
"Ah yes. There's a good boi johnnie. Suck it like you mean it. See if you can make it hard like a good faggot."
He knew I'd revolt and held my head where it was. "johnnie, this is part of the experiment. A sub should enjoy hearing verbal abuse. Keep sucking me johnnie."
I placed my hands on his thighs and used my tongue to tease him the way I like.
"Oh yes johnnie. That's nice. That's it. You're a natural. You're making me hard."
I felt some satisfaction that I could give him an erection when he'd said that he doubted I could. I gagged trying to swallow the whole thing although he wasn't more than 7" long.
I was making a mess, drool and slobber covered his cock and balls. Warren felt it and pushed my head down to his scrotum. "Lick my balls johnnie. You know how good that feels. Your wife sucks my nuts all the time. Now you're doing it."
I was. I was enjoying it too. Conflicting feelings coursed through me. The shame and humiliation of wearing his wife's panties. Kneeling quietly waiting for him to just acknowledge my presence. Now sucking his dick and kissing his balls. The more I thought about what I must look like and what I was doing, the deeper into the fog of submission I went.
No longer afraid, no more hesitation or reluctance, I was sucking a dick and loving it. Loving being under Warren's control.
"Tom's gonna love this johnnie. He has no idea what an accomplished cock sucker you are. Hell, I had no idea myself. We're going to have to make this a regular thing."
Hearing Warren call me a cock sucker, telling me we'd do this again spurred me onward. I was determined to finish him. To make him come.
I held his balls and went back to sucking. I didn't need to think about how to do it. My actions came naturally, instinctively.
His pre-cum was salty, tangy, delicious. I savored the taste of being his cock sucker. I wanted more. I needed hear his insults, his verbal abuse. I was beside myself with lust.
Shifting over I couldn't help it. I had to hump his leg, to rub my throbbing hard-on against something.
"Cock suckers don't cum until they've swallowed my spunk," Warren said pushing my hips back.
There it was again. Cock sucker. Me. I wallowed in the shame and feeling empowered at the same time. If this is what subbing is all about I knew I would have to have this again. "God help me," I thought, "but I love this so."
"I'm cumming cock sucker. I'm gonna fuck a load in your cock sucking mouth johnnie. Are you ready?"
"Ummm hmm," I moaned around his dick.
I felt him jerk, then pulse. The first jet of sperm didn't fill my mouth. I wasn't forced to swallow to make room for more. Warren came like I do. I relished the feeling of his dick jumping in my mouth every time it spurted his seed. My hands went to his ass under his robe and I buried my face in his crotch until my nose was in his pubic hair.
I licked his cock until it grew soft and he pushed me away. "Enough johnnie. That's good for now. We'll do this again later after I recover."
I stayed on my knees basking in my accomplishment and needing my own relief.
"You must be wondering what just happened to you John. You found your sub space. You got into a zone. You can't deny that you enjoyed sucking my dick can you? How easy it was for you to put Beth's panties on and come to me. You had to know what was going to happen didn't you?"
"You can talk John. You have my permission to tell me how you feel right now."
Inhaling a deep breath, I confessed to my friend that I did find myself in a place unfamiliar but welcomed. "I can't say what came over me Warren. I mean here in Beth's panties sucking your cock. I guess I knew this was what you wanted me over here for."
"Not entirely. I wanted you here to see if you'd submit. If you're a submissive. It seems you have that need in you. But now that you mentioned it, knowing I was going to have you suck my dick, you came anyway."
"You can't tell anyone Warren. Please."
"Not to worry johnnie. This will be our secret until it isn't. But I want to tell you something. On the bed there was the panties Beth left for you. But on the hook on the bedroom door was another of my bathrobes. You only saw Beth's panties never looking for something else."
"What does that mean?"
"Well. Look at it from my perspective. You elected to wear panties and you just gave me a world-class blow job. You liked it way more than the other subs who I Topped in the past. You may not think it now but some day, when the four of us are together you'll want to suck my dick again."
I hung my head in shame knowing what he said was probably true.
"Don't feel bad johnnie. Look on the bright side. You've discovered something about yourself today. Something that brought you pleasure. Nothing to be ashamed of. You're one of the fortunate ones. Those who know who and what they are and live it. Not try to hide it."
Warren had me wear Beth's panties the whole time I was there. He had me do little things which I found degrading and exciting. I shined his shoes, did the breakfast dishes. I prepared lunch all the while my dick leaked my acceptance. Kneeling on his tiled kitchen floor as we ate was hard on my knees but it felt right. I was still in the zone as Warren called it. I liked my new found role.
Warren didn't even have to move much. He just turned sideways in his chair and his robe fell open. I didn't need to be told what he wanted. I wanted the same thing.
I got him hard again, this time quickly. As I was sucking Warren was stroking my hair and saying encouraging things to me. "You like sucking my dick don't you johnnie?"
I didn't answer him right away. I felt his finger grab and handful of my hair and force me to look at him, his dick still in my mouth.
"Tell me johnnie. You like sucking my cock, don't you?"
"Yes sir," I said meaning it.
"I knew you would. Hell johnnie, even Beth knew you would. She chose the panties you're wearing. She decided which ones she wanted you to have for your own. She knew you'd be sucking my cock today while she's gone. She told your wife over the phone after you left your house this morning."
"Oh God no. Please no Warren. Tell me you're lying."
"He's not lying johnnie. Beth told me to come in the back door to see for myself."
Recognizing my wife's voice, I tried to get up but Warren held my head. "Continue doing what you came to do cock sucker."
Cindy came to stand behind him. Her top was pulled up and she was playing with her boobs. "Suck it johnnie. You know you want to. Suck that cock, you panty wearing cock sucker."
I know there are some who do not believe in epiphanies, that in some strange way, one comes to an understanding with themselves, an awakening if you will. Having my wife there, watching as I sucked a dick while wearing panties, hearing her call me nasty names was most humiliating and yet exhilarating.
Since he had cum earlier, Warren let me suck his cock for several minutes. I think that he did that so my wife could see what her husband really is; what I am. I reveled in my submission as my friend fed me his cock.
"Okay johnnie. That's good. Come with me Cindy. I need a woman. I mean a real woman, not her panty wearing husband."
I watched on my knees as Warren led my wife to his bedroom.
"Go home johnnie. Go home and jack off. Keep the panties. They're Beth's gift to you. I'll send your bride home in a bit. I'll have her bring your clothes with her."
I left them in abject disgrace. Looking back and forth I quickly made my way to my car. It was then that I remembered my keys were in my pocket in Warren's bedroom. Hoping no one would see me, I hurried back inside to find both Cindy and Warren in the kitchen holding my keys. "Forget something?"
"Uh, thanks. Can i have my clothes too?"
"Go home cock sucker."
I snatched my keys and ran back to my car.
"Shit." Tom is sitting on my porch. I sat in my car unwilling to get out and broadcast my shame.
"Hey johnnie. How's the new cock sucker?"
"Fuck you Tom. That's a lie," I shouted back my face burning.
"Look man, I know all about what happened today. It's okay johnnie. It's okay man. You have nothing to be ashamed about, really. Cindy is proud of you. You faced your fears and acknowledged what you've been fighting, probably most of your life. Come on inside johnnie. Come on now."
http://main.diabetes.org/site/TR?pg=fund & fr_id=5720 & pxfid=751113